I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
