The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
