if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
