Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
