Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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