I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
