My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
