my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry my hands just texted you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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