Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
