Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
