I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
