Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
