The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
