Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
