You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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