mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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