I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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