butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
