WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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