saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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