How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
