who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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