Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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