Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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