i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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