we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
