How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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