I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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