Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
