He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize