And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
