I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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