Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
