dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize