He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
