i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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