I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Come see our sink grown plant.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
