ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i dont even know how to be here
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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