bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
