it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
