but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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