You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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