plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
