Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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