How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
