what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
