You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
