Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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