My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
