standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
