You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
