I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I died a long time ago.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
