She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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