Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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