I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
