tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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