Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
