I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
