Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
