break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
