No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
