Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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