it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
