shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
