I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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