Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
