My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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