haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
