dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
