TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I deserve this hangover.
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