Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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