I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
