You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
