: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
