so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drunk is a universal language darling
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize