Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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