I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
