A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
birth control should be required to get into college
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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