I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
