Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
