In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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