I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize