i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
