Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
