First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
