there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
