well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
