she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Floor bacon is actually really good
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