I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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