The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
