In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
