OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
