Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
