Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
