I just made out with a guy for $7.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
