If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
