Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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