went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize