420 ftw
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
