you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
