I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
