holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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