Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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