I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize