Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
