Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
