I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
