I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
