definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
