maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
