While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
