shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
