I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
