Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
