he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
