You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
