Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
why does every cop we meet know your name?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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