Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
